NYWF

IT WAS ALL A BLUR













I stand in a large group, clutching a glass of champagne with anxious fingers as everyone chatters on around me. Standing a few metres away, with another group, is my favourite comedian Lawrence Leung. Everything is too bright, too loud, too much. I barely know anyone, and struggle to remember the names of the people next to me. I feel overwhelmed, and take another gulp of champagne to compensate. This was never my life, and I can’t even remember when the change took place…

I have always been a shy person. I love to be social, and I love meeting new people, but I still feel awkward around others. Over the years, I have watched from some far off place in my mind as my shyness took over, turning into a full anxiety disorder, where the slightest thing, like my inability to dance, can send me into a panic attack.

Thursday afternoon was surreal. It was the Meet and Greet for NYWF’s ‘Younger Young Writers’ Mentor Program. Upon the suggestion of my friend, Alex, I had signed up for it. My mentor is Zora Sanders, deputy editor of Meanjin. She is really nice, and super friendly, so I was glad to meet her as I nervously walked up the stairs of Staple Manor.

Suddenly, as we sat there making name tags and chatting away about books, things started to feel almost natural. Natural is a feeling that I have not had for a long time now.

Then the Artist Meet and Greet started. One thing that I have noticed about NYWF is the way that the “artists” seem to include the inverted commas and a heavy dose of irony, as they introduce themselves, what they do, and what they are there for. From this portion of the night, I have a vague memory of names but no faces, faces but no names, and the rare few names/faces that actually match up.

The champagne was terrible, but free. I managed to remember the names of quite a few people, and have bumped into them again and again throughout the festival. Lawrence is actually really short in real life, and acts pretty much like a regular human being - which was not what I expected at all (although, I am still yet to work up the courage to introduce myself). And for some reason, the social thing doesn’t seem so difficult any more…